Getting personal...

I said right at the start of making this blog that I wasn't sure how personal I wanted to make it. I feel like I can be extremely honest here and from the last couple posts you guys have made really interesting comments and I like the discussions we get going, especially on issues that mean a lot to me. So here's what I want to talk about today and please don't be scared. It's romance.

About 8 months ago I broke up with my long term boyfriend. It was my decision and I didn't regret it afterwards. I was living in a different country at the time and I guess I just didn't miss him as much as I should have. That was how I knew. Anyway, this is just background. Literally, since then I've been in a completely 'anti-romance' 'anti-relationship' phase and I've loved it! Except when I watch rom-coms because then I want to be sick over everybody. But generally the freedom and independence and just not having to worry about guys is amazing! This doesn't mean I've not been dating but I guess you could say I have commitment issues. But now, I think I'm growing out of this stage, I'm moving on and you know what? It terrifies me! It's as if I know I would be happy and comfortable in a relationship now but I'm too scared to actively go looking for one. Or something. I'm not quite sure, it's very difficult to articulate.

I know this seems extremely personal but I feel fine about putting it on the internet because it's all so vague. I am still very happy in my situation, however, I do believe that whatever situation you're in you should be happy. Otherwise, you need to change your situation immediately.

I hope it's not too personal, but what are your opinions on relationships/romance? Do you think it's overrated? Could you not live without it?

Hannah

P.S. I may gag at cheesy romantic moments in films but I think deep down, like really deap down, I'm jealous.

Is religion dead?

I'm supposed to be writing an essay right now so I'm on the internet. Standard.

Following on from my last serious blog about sex education I'd like to carry on with this grown up talk. So the essay I've got to write is about secularisation in 20th century Europe, I never thought I'd find the history of religion interesting but hell it is.

I am Jewish but also an atheist. It's easy for me to self-define this way because there are so many parts of Judaism that I can celebrate for purely cultural or traditional reasons rather than religious. A bit like Christmas for most of society these days. More often than not we're celebrating being with our family, presents and a massive meal. We're not celebrating the birth of Jesus.

My upbringing was very interesting, I live in a part of Manchester which is stereotypically known to be very hippie, left wing, vegetarian etc... And it is also extremely atheist. Growing up and going to primary school and then secondary school I felt that religion was dead, it was never an issue that came up and none of my friends were religious. Then I went to sixth form college and I met my first Catholic and it was weird. I genuinely believed they didn't exist in Britain anymore. But hey it turns out they do and now one of my best friends is a Catholic and an ex-boyfriend of mine was also a Christian. However, in my world they were still a minority. Then I came to university and within my block in my halls of residence at least one fifth are Christian. Now this completely screwed over my little brain that told me almost everyone nowadays is an atheist. It really shows how being brought up in a certain way or a certain place can make you believe things about the world.

Being away from home and the environment I grew up in is really helping me learn things about the world that I otherwise would never have found out if I hadn't moved out.

I realise religion is a tricky topic and often people don't like to talk about their personal beliefs in public. However, I'd like to know if you ever had any preconceptions about the world and then you were proved wrong.

I hope you all have a good weekend and you don't have an essay to write like I do.

Hannah

State of non-emotion

So I made this blog this morning and it's not until now that I've even managed to write an actual sentence into a post. I have no idea where this is going...

I'm slightly confused as to what I want to turn this into. I'd like it to be a space for me to ramble and write down my thoughts and just general goings on but then I'm not sure how personal I want to make this. I want to get the same feeling out of this as I did when I was 13-15 and I kept a diary but I most certainly do not want to be writing the same sort of things down. (When I was 16 I found my old diaries, read bits of them and was so mortified by my young naive self that I threw them all away- I've never kept a diary since).

I want to tell you guys about how I just got back from an amazing holiday in Croatia with my family and family friends from Austin. I want to tell you about the books I read on holiday and how I reread Harry Potter and the Dealthy Hallows which was a weird experience when I finished because usually I read the book again after the film comes out but because that's the last one and all the films are out now I have no idea when the next time I will read those books is... Perhaps reading them to my children...? Odd thought.

I also want to tell you about how I'm going to Green Man Festival tomorrow and really I should be packing right now but I just can't bring myself to start. I love music festivals and I'm really excited for this one but today I'm just in a state of non-emotion, if that can exist. I guess a state of non-emotion can't exist because the truth is I'm feeling a big meh, bleurgh, akjdhfksdf. Those are emotions, right? I know I'll have an amazing time but right now I'm finding it hard to get excited for it (hence the not packing).

Sometimes I do just feel a bit down and I can never pin point what has happened to make me feel meh. Maybe it's because in general I'm such a happy person, a bit too happy sometimes and my brain can't take it and so has to have these extreme moments of not happy just to balance it out. It won't last long though so don't worry about me guys. I know myself well enough to know that if I keep busy I'll be happy. However, checking YouTube and Twitter every five minutes does not count as keeping busy. I'm the type of person that has to be constantly doing things, always on the go, always full of energy and ideas for things. Unfortunately, not today. Maybe I'm having holiday withdrawal symtoms...

Well I guess this has turned into something fairly personal. If anyone has read this then I guess you now know me a little bit better.

Hannah